17%  Nuanced depictions of America destined to be misused by right-wing politicians

17%  Nostalgic evocations of pre-Snooki Jersey Shore pride

15%  Folk anthems, murder ballads and rousing sea shanties coated in thick, Spectorian goo

13%  Lengthy, Cialis-y performances

11%  Semi-simulated working class heroism
“At night when I’m sleeping in my big house, it’s killing me. It’s a rough life, it’s a brutal life! The rock music business: brutal, brutal, brutal.”

9%  That one dude who used to sit in back of biology class drawing hot rods

7%  Facial contortions connoting earnestness and/or sciatica

5%  Oprah-esque ability to reduce middle-aged men to tears

3%  Sweat-soaked bandannas

2%  Occasional curiosity about who this Skrillex guy is

1%  Knowing who’s really Boss
“Obama can sing. Did you see that? [Sings falsetto:] ‘Let’s stay together.’ I can’t do it. He’s better than me!”